Ladygate: ‘Date Girl’ Picks up Coffee Bill, Feels Cheated

Just last week, koreaBANG covered the netizen reaction to recent research by a marriage company on the economics of Korean dating, or soget’ing. And already, the first Soget’ing-nyo (which we’ve translated as “Date Girl” for simplicity’s sake) is on the scene, adding to our increasingly rich tapestry of Ladygate scandals, as South Korean women go against the archaic social expectations of a wise mother, good wife. And while in this case netizens are certainly not suggesting a return to tradition, they are also not going to let soget’ing-nyo off lightly for her lack of dating etiquette.

An article in the Segye Ilbo reported the shock expressed by netizens when they discovered how the woman had behaved on the date. Following a soget’ing outing, the next day a man and woman had a text conversation on Kakao Talk, where the woman revealed precisely why the date had not been as successful as it might have been, much to the man’s surprise. Now, as all good koreaBANG readers know, it is considered favourable for the woman to at least offer to pay for coffee if the man has been emptying the coffers all evening in an attempt to impress her. But here is the conversation that was recently posted on an online community message board [click the images for the original Korean]:

Sogeting Nyo KakaoTalk English

Sogeting Nyo KakaoTalk English

Sogeting Nyo KakaoTalk English

The Segye Ilbo article further noted that the man became increasingly frustrated since despite his best efforts to please her, the woman refused to return any of his calls. However, the article also detailed that in general, netizen reactions were in favour of the man:

That kind of woman is just one type. Most women, the majority of them, would think it reasonable manners to pay for coffee if the man had bought the meal.

How shameful if a woman became rich by saving on the coffee bill

Some women, who think in the wrong way, seem to believe that it’s manners for men to spend money on them

Doesn’t look like those two would make a good couple.

As you can see from the KakaoTalk messages above, the woman really could’t understand how she might have offended her potential love match, associating being asked to pay for coffee with her inability to sucessfully woo a man to the point of bankruptcy. Where might this idea come from? Although some have argued that the root of the problem is the romantic fantasies that have bolstered gender inequality in modern Korean society, many are completely astounded that after watching her date fork out almost 100,000 won (around $85) in a single evening, she was insulted to be asked to spend just 7,000 on the coffee.

And although the woman tells the man that he probably thinks she’s ‘childish’ for being so upset, the rumour amongst netizens is that the woman in question is in fact almost forty years of age. In a popular culture that values female youth, perhaps the time has come to re-think her strategy. Do women have a responsibility to begin changing the idea of women as being dependant on men? In short should they learn to pay up, or simply put out?

From Nate:

김승호:

I really want to slap her.

이용선:


This is the law of Botaculus, that appears in Boslam scripture [netizens have a whole ‘religion’ for boseulachi]…
When you go soget’ing 10: : 0
When preparing for marriage 8: 2
When you get divorced 5 : 5
[usually first figure is for man, second figure is for woman; divorce is the equalizer.]

최주연:

I’m seriously embarrassed that I’m a woman…seriously girl, you’re a princess?

이승민:

Standard comments for these bitches on Nate in Korea:

‘Your mother is also a woman’
”Don’t just take the minority and make it the norm.’
‘There are a lot of women who aren’t like that, ok?’
‘Looks like there’s a lot of women like that around you.’
‘You meet a lot of women like that because that’s your level’
‘Men are all like ~~ blah blah blah’
‘So don’t date women, then…’
‘Loser, you’ve got a major inferiority complex, and victim mentality.’
‘So I’m telling you that’s why you don’t have a girlfriend.’
This is the level of number one Korean bitches these daysㅇㅇ

이미희:

I’m a woman, too, but this is like…all these girls do is take…

손재권:

Women’s beggar spirits…honestly, I have no answer for that.

오종호:

I heard this woman was 39…why is a 39 year-old still solo? I get it………

이재구

The problem is that kids like that are not exactly few in number….

황수광:

Speaking honestly, that woman! She’s not one type of woman! You guys say you’re not like that woman yourselves, and you believe it fully, but strangely enough you guys act like that without even knowing it yourself.

김형준:

These boseulgi have loads of friends that play a part in this. Even if she’s only dating one guy, it’s gotta be passed by the whole committee. From appearance, age, and earnings, right up to comparing him to others, he has to be thoroughly investigated. Despite that, in their early twenties they are organised along lines of appearance and age. When they get to their late twenties, they become some ridiculous royalty. When they get married, if they have a daughter the little bitch follows on from her mother and quickly becomes a boseulgi herself.

류정무:

The problem is not whether these women are the minority or the majority; seems to me that the problem is the way that relationships are formed between men and women in Korean society. The problem is that men have value for women if they receive a man’s love exclusively, or perhaps if they feel that they are more sophisticated than other women; for men, whether it it is sex, love, or money, a proactive woman is a pain in the ass.
This is a society where even if there are a forceful women, there are no forceful men. This is a society where if men fall hard then they succeed in winning love; if the woman falls hard she is stalking him. This is a society where you hear in the work place that men in high positions have talent, but where you hear that a woman who has a high position in a company is a bitch. This is a society where if men have a sexual appetite it is a natural phenomenon, but where if a woman wants sex she becomes a slut. In Korean society, in a society where it is burdensome to have a proactive attitude, the only thing you can do easily if you are a woman is become a wife. You meet a good husband, date a good boyfriend, and you get love. And this dependent relationship between men and woman becomes an inconvenient reality which is a fantasy for women, a novel for men. In upper class society, in the times when only men could advance in society, and in the upper class dramas that come out, if these are the best model for this romanticised fantasy, then the fact is that it’s going to be difficult to make this happen in reality. The seemingly endless despair of women’s social advancement and the young women of today, coupled with the polarisation of wealth [between men and women] means that for the generations who are dating now, from the man’s position women who expect things from them as in previous times are a burden, and the women are made burdensome. From the woman’s position, there appears a tendency to solve social despair with a Cinderella fantasy, as in previous times (dependency on the man). At any rate, even if men and women were to fight this out tooth and nail for a long time, since they’ll end up living under the same roof: women, please read the fantasy of Cinderella only as a fairytale, and become a modern protagonist in reality; men, you must recognise that women are a variety of protagonists, in the workplace, in the school and in the sports ground.

백상훈:

How is what they’re doing different from the homeless people in the subway station going ‘Spare any change? Spare any change?’

이진우:

The mentality of Korean women as I’ve understood it from this:

1.If they pay for something themselves it hurts their pride.
2.They have no thoughts of their own, their friend’s opinions immediately become their opinions.
3.Even if you are nice to them ten times, if you mistreat them once, they really hurt you.
4.They lack concern for their partner. (Because that’s just how they feel.)

선희경:

What the hell is this girl-_- Total fucking loser. If you can’t spare 7,000 won, don’t date men, you whore. No manners, no manners…

안지선:

This kind of woman is the type who even if she is in love for a short time won’t be able to get married for her whole life tut tut Like I care

장훈혁:

Ah, seriously, yesterday there was this article where the man and a woman were dating and the man had spent 900,000 woman over four days, and when he asked the woman ‘can’t you just buy dinner once’ she was like ‘what did you say?’ and though the woman thought it was reasonable to make the man pay, he reported her to the police. Is this kind of woman in the minority? Sure enough…wow…really, rather than there being a lot of strange women, maybe in Korea the way I think is strange…………

선희경:

What the hell is this girl-_- Total fucking loser. If you can’t spare 7,000 won, don’t date men, you whore. No manners, no manners…

김태경:

Though I work for the police now….my wife gave me money for books when I was studying for a whole year before we married, and paid for dates. Even now she serves me like a slave.

이서영:

This is a conversation between a 39 year old woman and a 41 year old man

박해근:

Why is it manners for the man to spend more money? I really can’t understand this. Seriously, someone please tell me the appropriate reason for this.

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  • Seoul less

    lol she’s a loser. there are better girls out there ~ my girl pays for everythang! when I try to pay she tells me “oh, no I’m going to pay” i’m like what? hell na~ she’s like, “i insist”. don’t worry about no bill girlllll

    some girls in korea got major issues

    • Seoul less

      and i think there’s a mis translation dawg ~
      in korean it said i’d prefer not to talk today (meaning gtfo loser) instead of it would have been better if i haven’t spoken to u today. past tense and shit know what i mean?

      i feel bad this guy wasted almost 100 dolla on this ho. rofl @!

      • Beth

        Thanks for your comments Seoul less – she’s definitely a ‘unique’ woman. And glad to hear you’ve found yourself a woman who not only knows where her purse is, but also how to open it. As for the mistranslation, I’m not sure what you mean — I suppose you could say ‘It would be better if I hadn’t…’ rather than ‘It would have been better” but that’s still past tense…Anyway, I’ll certainly think about it!

        • David

          Beth, Seoulless’s comment about the translation is right. The ~했으면 좋겠다 grammar isn’t talking about the past, even though it uses a past tense form. It’s like, “I wish that (something would happen).”이렇게 안 했으면 좋겠습니다” means “I wish you wouldn’t do that.” Also, the link on the third chat screenshot needs to be fixed. It currently goes to the Korean original for the second screenshot.

      • Peter Pottinger

        don’t feel bad for the guy, he is what, in his 30s? 40s? He isn’t stupid if he can afford to waste 100 bucks on a first date. Not his first rodeo. if you know what I mean … you can only blame the women so much until its time to think for yourself and realize he is actively seeking these types of princesses.

    • Jang

      “some girls in korea got major issues”

      Yes, because they are 2nd class citizens at the workplace. Really, I don’t understand why Korean males are complaining. They expect the woman to stay at home, have babies, cook and clean. How do they expect women to pay? Do they want their GF’s parents to pay for their coffee instead of their own parents?

      • Seoul less

        what the ???
        we’re talkin’ ’bout a girl payin’ 7000 for coffee and bein’ a bi”t”h about it and the “some girls in korea got major issues” is referring exactly to that but ur bringin’ up korean women in korean society on how they’re mistreated n’ shiet. ur outta topic big time jangster!

        but if u wanna talk about korean male’s complanin’ i do agree that it’s sad women in korean society are expected to only do sad shiet like that where they gotta just stay home and do home shit like laundry, cook, dishwash., clean, take a hike, se*ually satisfy their hard ass workin’ husbands, get knocked up, raise kids, and join the community ahjuma gang. it’s sad shit for reals. most korean men are highly insecure when it comes to their women and their self-esteem won’t let you tell them otherwise.

  • mouse

    Yes, there are some Korean women like this, but not all. If the dude didn’t like her, why even respond though?

    Anyway, if a girl is pretty most Korean men put up with this behavior. What does that say about them?

    Both sides are effed up in my opinion.

  • Snarl

    As normally goes, the girl ends up paying so dearly that it hurts to walk the next day. Obviously. The only reason Korean men complain about this arrangement is that most Korean girls are total prudes and never put out.

    • mouse

      Totally untrue.

      • Snarl

        Compared to Japan and the UK. Maybe Korean girls are less prudish than Americans, but I don’t know enough about American girls to be very certain about that. I would draw the line at British gals, because they normally take at least a second date before they’re ready to rumble. As for Koreans, I’ve never met a Korean girl who got down and dirty with a guy she met less than a week ago, except in the case of ONS.

  • ajstew

    When a man goes out on a date in Korea or in any country, if it is him who initiates the date, then he should be prepared to pay for everything, especially on a ‘first date’. Yes, it would be nice if the woman offers to pay a portion of the bill, even if only a portion, it shouldn’t be expected by the man. The man went into the date expecting something, and that was his fault. As she said, if she feels like it, she would pay. Maybe she would have felt like it on the second date. Now he’ll never know, all because of how he blew the first date.

    • David P

      Either way, she didn’t have to be a bitch about it. In the long run, the man is lucky that things didn’t go further with her. It would of been a wonderful relationship with this woman (sarcasm intended), living such a wonderful life together.

    • Umm

      That’s ridiculous. If I ask my friends if they want to go shopping, should I pay for their new pair of shoes? If we go to the movies, should I pay for their ticket? The assumption is always that we’ll split, unless one of us offers to pay. Why? Because we both want to spend time together and we both want to go out and do something.
      If a guy asks a woman out on a date and she agrees to go, then it’s a mutual setting. He’s not dragging her into a restaurant and tying her to a chair. She agreed to go, therefore she should pay too. Which is beside the point anyway, since it’s a blind date.. Neither of them directly did the asking.
      If I were a guy, I’d definitely expect the girl to pay her part. Is the point of dating buying a girlfriend? Or is it getting to know someone and figuring out if they’re a suitable partner? Isn’t everything much easier when there aren’t any pay disputes to be made?

      • mouse

        Friends are not the same a boyfriends/girlfriends.

        • Umm

          They’re the same in every sense except for emotional/sexual attraction.

  • glenn

    A wise woman who has been treated that much would voluntarily offer to pay for coffee. Even my female friends do that whenever we go out.

    And a gentlemen would:
    say okay ~ a little treat for himself
    say no ~ will still pay for coffee but would appreciate knowing that the woman/date was kind enough to offer

  • Jang

    This is ridiculous! It’s one date, in one hour, on one day in one year. Get over it, live and learn, date or not, who cares? The guy didn’t score and he’s angry, waaaaa!

    Koreans need a LAW for dating, that’s the answer. That way everyone knows how to behave, kind of like how they don’t know how to behave when the other person’s age is unknown.

  • http://facebook.com/bobarany 이보라

    The way not to have an argument with someone when dating, is to have coke or any beverages that not that much more expensive than we expect! :)
    Then, if we haven’t hit off each other since our eyes met, waste no more money, time, or effort! It’s helpful for us not to be burden to our counterparts!
    사실 소개팅이 좋은 곳만 데리고 가서 환심을 사는 것, 돈을 내고 아니고가 사실 화두가 되선 안되거든요. 성대결로 극단에 대화를 치닫기보다는.. 유쾌하게 상황을 푸시는게 어떨런지? ^^

  • Ben

    Well, if Korean dudes put more emphasis on finding a nice girl rather than a hot girl maybe this wouldn’t be an issue. Once a girl figures out she is cute she doesn’t need to pay for stuff cause so many guys will shower her with gifts. If there was an emphasis on personality or character among men in the dating culture maybe there wouldn’t be so many girls like this. But…still 7,000 for coffee and you are complaining…I wouldn’t date her.

    • Brett Sanbon

      Shes 40 and single… I dont know, even if shes a good looking woman, she could be considered “cute” Shes single for a reason.

      • glenn

        I think the reason is that she thinks she is the “princess”.

  • Paul M

    He should have done what I do and taken her for Jjajang myeong.

    • Brett Sanbon

      Haha, again with the jjajang…

  • Paul

    Suddenly the prices at Angelinus make sense.

    • Beth

      Finally…this has just made sense to me too!

  • http://facebook.com/bobarany 이보라

    The way not to have an argument with someone when dating, is to have coke or any beverages that not that much more expensive than we expect! :)
    Then, if we haven’t hit off each other since our eyes met, waste no more money, time, or effort! It’s helpful for us not to be burden to our counterparts! no more bu-dam in Korean way!
    I bet there aren’t only serious ways to settle this issue down. Have fun! It’s life,

  • JoJo

    What a selfish woman. Have some self respect, if you want to be taken seriously as an equal member of society than act accordingly.

  • David P

    Wow, what a nice girl. Any man would be lucky to have her. (Sarcasm Intended)

    Regardless of the rights or wrongs of dating etiquette, the woman should not of complained so much about having to pay for the coffee. Big Deal – Get over it.

    I am not Korean. I am married. Having that said, what’s with all the woman’s liberation issues? Treat me like an equal…but not when it’s not to my advantage.

    Anyways, to the man involved in this date – lucky you. I couldn’t imagine being in a relationship with that kind of woman. Here’s the breakdown.

    20’s she is feeling like a princess and the world should cater to her
    30’s she is still feeling like she did in her 20’s, but now needs to modify her body
    40’s she is realizing that she needs even more modifications to her body and you (her husband or lover) should be prepared to spend every cent on her surgeries and shopping to feed her insecurities
    50’s oh boy…look out

    • Mich’insaeki

      This is all too cutesy for me. Here’s the deal with Korean, strike that, most Asian women. From my experience Hong Kong gals are somewhat of an exception, but this certainly applies to most Asian gals. You’ve basically got a 20something girl with the body of a 16 year old, the mind of a 12 year old and the emotional vulnerability of an 8 year old. Everything else is noise. I’m not sayin they’re dumb. They’re not. They’re educated, smart, sophisticated, they know exactly what they want. And they’re incredibly immature.

      Now, if you decide to marry one of these little fairy princesses, be ready for a big surprise. Because when Asian women hit 40, the testicles drop and it’s game over. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

      Caveat Emptor.

      • JoJo

        The best comment so far.

  • dim mak

    FEMALES MAKE ME SICK

    How’s the gay scene in Korea?

  • lonetrey

    No wonder this became another Ladygate. Seriously, what is she thinking, with that kind of aggressive attitude?

    It’s one thing to expect the male to pay and then be disappointed, and it’s another to expect the male to pay and then verbally criticize him later.

  • Steven

    Last week I was taking a girl on a date, before getting to the restaurant she said she expects the man to pay for all dates. So I took her to taco bell and gave her 2 dollars worth of tacos.

    Best date ever.

    • lonetrey

      -snort- did she get annoyed or was she ok with it?

      • steven

        Actually she seemed to not mind eating tacos in a food court. I was actually surprised that she was cool with it.

    • David P

      Good Move Steven!

    • Mich’insaeki

      No offense, sounds lame. If she says, “I expect men to pay for all dates,” I jus say, “I’m glad we’re clearing the air. I expect hot filthy sex.”

      Enjoy the tacos though.

  • R5

    Asian girls (in Asia) majority of them have that mind setting… probably cuz they are too old minded, believed that it is the man’s role to work and woman’s role to be protected and raise the family… that’s is why there are so many housewives in Japan. Seriously, I look down on these pathetic women. Just coffee is NOT enough, woman should pay at least half of the date cost, or rotate from dates to dates. It is NEVER fair for the man to pay for everything, and if they woman really cares about the relationship she should put work, effort, and yes, cost into it too.
    This kind of woman is the loser of losers, I pity them… NOT. They need to be abandoned by men or slap across the face by men to learn their lesson. Pathetic b*tches who isn’t willing to give and only take. I’m Asian myself, and I don’t do things like this, I always pay half of whatever, and depends on who makes more money, then the higher earner can chip in a bit more maybe for drinks or dessert. A few bucks and a happy date, why complain. Loser b*tch.

  • Brett Sanbon

    Ive got a buddy who swears by an interesting tactic. Hes kinda rich, so if he doesnt like the girl he pays for everything without batting an eye. If he likes her he asks her to pay for dinner. If she seems okay with it he thinks he may have found a winner and invites her out on a second date. Hes a little short though and that might work to a disadvantage at times.

    • Mich’insaeki

      Lol… since when did we start making an issue out of this? You know you’ve been in Korea too long if you start acting like a Korean. Gimme a break.

      • Brett Sanbon

        He is Korean… What’s your point?

        • Mich’insaeki

          So I nailed it. Thx. What’s your point?

  • Digitalsoju

    Doesn’t “진짜 치고싶다” translate to “I want to hit her” not “shoot her” ?

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  • Tippy Long Stocking

    Is there a man-gate when men act out?

    • Mich’insaeki

      Men are sposed to act out Tippy dear.

  • Peter Pottinger

    Always get the girl to pay for the first date. Weeds out the gold diggers and sugar babies.

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